Oh god how it kills me. Where are all the words I want to say? they are so trapped inside my head that I have no way to reach them. All these recycled words and thoughts sound the same. I'm going around circles in a dictionary trying to find something new. You say I have a big vocabulary, you're right I do, and its doing its intended purpose. I can't even get you to see through my facade with a blunt word to the back of the head. Keep telling me I'm wrong, maybe I'll start to believe it. No matter how hard you believe, dreams don't come true and when you wake up in the morning all you have is the memory of the could-have-beens. I'm the tallest person you know, I'm six feet under and out of this world.

Clouds of breath incircle our heads. A foggy halo that erases everyone from existence except you and me. It's the hall way kisses, and the hugs that whisper in my ear that you are always there for me. It's all i'll ever need or want to wake up beside you and know that your mine.

Notebook # ?

I'm at sixes and sevens with everything in my life. There are too many things and not enough time. I make more exscuses than I have any right. Whats wrong with me? Don't say everything is alright.

The only thing I'm sure of is that I'm not sure of anything. The only thing I know is that I don't know anything. The only thing that is easy is you.

I'm plumeting in a fall that will have a heartfelt impact. I'm falling with the tempo thats I can feel from the speakers. Rate this song just a notch above the rest. Even though it is rather simple. I am at a loss for words to describe how I feel about you. I love you doesnt feel like enough. All my witty one-liners are erased when you are on my mind. Which, darling, is all the time.

I don't need you tonight. I need you forever. As long as you're mine. I'll be okay. I'll be alright.

Darling I don't blame you. You can't help it anymore than I. I'll sing you this suffering lullaby and hope it eases your mind. I couldn't avoid this addiction.

I had nothing to prove, except to myself. Everything I've ever done was for everybody else.

It starts. A slow unraveling of sainity. Let go of who you are and who you ever hope to be. Dare to trust me. Let love break you down. I'm coming undone in your arms. Let love build us up, stronger and better. New and Improved. We are stronger together than if we ever dared to stand alone.

Darling I Love You Like A Photo Negative Of My Refection.

All I can think is how selfish I am as I stare into the mirror and scrub at the tear stained cheeks. I promise to be there for you but I'm not even reliable to my own thoughts. I'd give my soul to posses what it takes to be half the person you are. I take first place in the pagent of disappointments and fakes.

Pity Idiocy....AKA me.

I love you like I'll never love anything else. You are the only thing about this town that keeps me going in the middle of the night when I curl up and cry my self to sleep. I cant bear to hurt you but its my only talent. I tried to tell you who I was but you chose to remain blissfuly ignorant behind rose tinted lenses. I'll never be who you think I am. I'm dead weight but you just havent noticed it yet. All I can do is think straight. I've lost everything that I thought ever mattered and all im left with is the consequences of my actions. Ive eaten my own words enough to feel ready to explode. I've made my bed and now I cant get out of it.

Helpless Romantic

what do you get when you plus me equals way more trouble than I can handle. but I cant fight this attraction anymore than ever did in the past. For better or worse, until lust do us part. I want to trust you but I dont think I can trust myself.

I write too many of these silly songs that don't mean much at all.

You take one step forward and three steps back. at this rate there wont be a crossing of paths. I have a one way trip down a broken road. and no idea where im going to go. if I stumble and fall can I know youll be there? can I know youll be any help at all? are you stuck in your own dead end game. have any of us changed or are we all the same. the destination is all the same, the only variants being whens the grave. its not about the end or where we begin. its about who we have with us through thick and thin.

1800 reasons that I have to let you go

you promised me you you would never lie to me. but what do you call saying you want nothing to do with me. baby I can read you like a childrens book. dont you forget that. I know I wont as each mile keeps ends from meeting. we finally got on the same page and it was torn out of this story. what hurts the most is the could-have-beens and the never-weres. there are 1800 reasons I wont blow your cover. and 1800 reasons I hold myself back. 1800 reasons I cant be with you.

Nostalgic In A Way I Cant Remember

You made me feel so small, but not insignificant. Fingertips on exposed flesh. Teeth and skin. Black and Blue. Lace and Lights. Sealed Lips. Pressed hips. Two days short of rest and two hearts way ahead of themselves. I ways known to everyone but themselves. You have to think out of the box and farther away from this picture to see it.

"Leave My Lonliness Unbroken"

Lipstick prints on the mirror. Is all thats left of me. I stole away in the night. I can't take the tearful goodbyes That won't mean a thing beyond this moment. I'll send my love back in bomb threats.

It's No big deal. What are a few more secrects between best friends. she said "You're so lucky to have someone like him." Yeah. thats me the luckiest girl in the world. Leaving without saying hello. 'Wana get out of this place?' I'm already out the door.

This is hell and the high watermark is just above my chest.

Tell Me I didn't waste those 11:11 wishes on you

Starry eyes and whispered goodbyes. Just a breath on waiting lips and pressed hips.

Ran out the door. left my life at home. I've got directions, but nowhere to go. where the 'X' should be is the empty space where my heart once resided.

Silent Ringing

Chasing after best friends. take me, take me. how was your day? because mine was lonely. thanks for letting me know you cared. thanks for always being there. P.S. note my sarcasm. Going back to the beginng won't change a thing. All I can do is get out and don't look back. Everytime I try to tell you No you jerk the chain wrapped tight around my throat and flip on the flair for dramatics and false 'I Love You's. It's too late, too late.

Generation "Y" Should I Care

This is a part of the "no future generation" Imediate gratification and no consideration. You're striving to get out and be 'in' This murder scene of this tragic act that is a badly written play, only you are sitting in the audience. The critics reviewed that those attending are dressed to kill. So it might as well be a hit. Though thye forgot to mention the victims: the characters onstage and yours.

Diamond dusted eyes in a crowd of fakes. though they may shine brighter only the genuine shine true.

It's Better That You Don't See The Real Me For The Sake Of Your Nights

late nights with just me and that flashing line. I put my fingers to the keys but nothing comes out. the output im allowed is taken by one oversized mouth that doesnt know when to shut up if it slit its throat. I'm just as bad as the next person the lies just slip off my tounge like cars off bridges. maybe if I do it enough I can convince myself that its true.

This Lullaby Whispered Through Speakers into Late Night Hearts and Heavy Dreams.

I open my eyes and close them at the same time. Begging for you to be here and begging you to disappear. I don't want/need the distraction of your lips on my neck and your hands wrapped around my throat. Scream out into the night that you love me. One more little white lie wont make a difference. The list grows every day, the names. Mine is the last on the list penned in the lifeblood of shattered hearts and broken dreams. This Lullaby whispered through speakers into late night hearts and heavy dreams.

music vs. you

just one more unfullfilled dream
except at night
when the music pumps through the speakers into willing ears
but can't fill the already full hearts
and reflects in starry eyes dazed by the lights and the fame
too good to be true vs. it wasn't there in the first place

Im standing on this stage
ready to be gutted and hung on humorous gallows
my heartstrings are wrapped tight around my throat
and you have every intention to watch me choke
the morbid irony of late nights vs. the distance between us.

The Curse of You

the words coming out of my speakers
are just to damn apt to apply to this situation
eyes closed lips pressed close
just one touch means more than most
promise you'll never leave me
promise you'll always be.
promise me you aren't just a dream.
you'll never know the butterflies you give me

If the road to hell is paved with good intentions what is the road to heaven paved with?

Instead of making it we're breaking it
hearts crumble left and right at our fingertips
we latch on tight and take you along for the ride.
down a road paved with not so good intentions.

The Rubber Band Effect

you said I was just rebound.
baby you dont know half the truth in that
I'll come back into your arms everytime.
and sting as I do
a snap back to daydreams and late night fantasies.

"Threw Caution to the Wind, But I've got a Lousy Arm

My eyes burn from the salt in these open wounds.
Drowning all my fears in the release of tears.
Tomorrow I wont be able to say "its all better."
But for now my eyes run wetter Than you'll ever know.
It breaks my heart to leave you behind.

"Its a strange way of saying that I know Im supposed to love you."

I said I wanted to yell him for hanging on her.
When all she ever did was hurt him.
No need to tell me to turn those tables.
I already regularly beat myself up over it.
Whats worse?
Having been lead on to be loved
Or never loved at all.
Is it wrong that I love you?
Or just a case of not knowing a good thing when I see it.

freedom approaches.

it has been pointed out to me that in exactly 13 months.
I will be 18
I can finally get out of this fucked up relationship
but im terrified.
I cant do this
as much as I await that day
I wish it would never come

"I'm addicted to the way I feel when I think of you."

one more broken heart
on one more torn sleeve
but I'll give it to you anytime you want
beyond all reason
I will always love you
the Damage of falling has already been done
Why climb the ladder of sainity
to just risk falling again
this time harder.
Whatever it takes to keep you around.
ask anyting of me and I'll try my best
I dont know where I would be if I lost you
though its not like I ever had you to begin with.

The Notebook in my Pocket Holds my Darkest Secrets

the only thing that seems to hold my tounge is your mouth.

I wish I could hate you
but all my hate is wasted on myself.
It would all be so much easier if I didnt care,
but my mind cant bare the thought of not dreaming of you.
You are always in my heart and on my mind
what a pleasant weight of you on top of me.

Grin and dont bare it
just dont let them know how much it hurts
be honest to a fault lets get ready to rumble
quake my world
all it takes is a little bit of friction

I only write when Im miserable
and darling i have a whole novel devoted to you

you've created a monster
you told me to do it
and darling oh did I ever
I stalk you in early morning dreams
and in the hallways of your memories
In your bedroom
you'll find me wearing nothing
but my heart on my sleeve

To Weak To Live. To Weak To Die

I used to say "I should take my own advice" but where am I left when there is no advice to be taken. Truly lost. Though I don't know where I'm trying to go therefore it shouldnt matter. Pick up the few pieces of my life that I can carry and walk out that door and never look back. I can't see the future and to be honest I cant see past the end of my nose. Im already flat on the ground what does it matter if I trip and fall. at least I'll be moving. What am I saying. I don't have the strength to pick myself up let alone walk out the door. I wish they would just lock me away somewhere and give me something to make it all fade away. I cant stand this much longer.

"Put Out The Light, And Then Put Out The Light."

you told me to believe
and hold on just a little longer.
but believing is for fairy tales.
im no hero,
but im definately tragic.
I'm Othello and my Desdemona is the future.
I killed us both.
This is the final curtain.
All my acts are coming to a close.
I'm a badly written play.
There wont be any applause.
I don't deserve it anyway.
This cant really be considered an end,
since it never really existed.

Lullaby for Insomniacs

Hush darling
i'll hold the terrors at bay
lay your weary head down
close your eyes
dont make a sound
there is nothing left for you to say